Full Of Bull

Full of Bull

Hemingway enthusiasts have long discussions on the Machismo elements in “The Sun Also Rises” and the many layers of social commentary released on its pages. Yet, all anyone seems to identify with these days (especially men) is the excitement and danger that surrounds the running of the bulls. So much so, that there is now a traveling show that challenges common sense and lures crowds to “Grab Life by the Horns!” and run with real bulls—mostly at county fairgrounds.

They advertise this event as an inexpensive family outing that is sure to get your adrenaline flowing. Apparently you are not encouraged to run in front of the bulls, who clock in at 35 miles per hour, but to run alongside. You wait until 18 +/- bulls are released at the end of a fenced bull run and you jump in at that special moment for the thrill of a lifetime. They do warn that chaos is the norm and if you get in the way, that the bulls WILL run over you. Sound like fun? Wait there’s more.

If you prefer to not harass animals and you prefer people, you can join in on the “Tomato Royale”. This is a classic family event geared towards good clean violence, where “you can hurl tomatoes at your family, friends, and fellow participants, without guilt, inhibition, or remorse.”  There are some guidelines:

• You must be at least fourteen.


• Squished tomatoes are less dangerous


• Try not to hurt anyone?


• You should stop throwing when the victim says enough!

Okay, so let’s say we’re dealing with loving, responsible people, who like to humiliate others in a safe environment. Maybe it improves their sex life at home? Who knows what turns people on? Of course, they will be careful, sober, and know when to stop. Oh and did I say that cold beer is a perk that comes with registration?  Repeat after me, “This IS Beyond Cuckoo!” Just ask the nearest Bull.

 

Full Of Bull

Auto Pilot

Auto Pilot

Okay, so am I the only one concerned about these new driverless cars that Google’s come up with? Rest assured that I am all for anything that helps the disabled to move through this world in comfort. However, should a sightless person be driving? Well, maybe. How much worse could they be? At least they couldn’t text and drive.

Seriously though, let’s look at the logistics. The subcompact car will look something like a computer mouse. It has no steering wheel, gas or brake pedals and, at first, will go no faster than forty miles per hour. The passenger pushes buttons to start and end the ride. The route is set with either manual or verbal commands to a Global Positioning System (GPS). Cameras and sensors conceivably will prevent accidents.

So, I can see this in controlled situations. You know, college campuses, hospitals, factories, airports,  maybe even golf courses and parks. An entire new generation of blind golfers could emerge and join the ranks of the too lazy to play real sports crowd. All they need is a way to get around the sand traps and water hazards. What could be more perfect?

But, street legal? Supporters of this idea say that these cars could eliminate drunk and distracted driving. This is a good argument? What if you spill your coffee, cocktail, soft drink or nail polish on the dashboard and the whole thing shorts out? Computers crash just like cars and simply stop—in real or internet traffic.

Finally I ask, “What IS Google’s real purpose here?” Google as the largest provider of geo-location information, and with the car’s computer  dialed in to their data systems, what are the chances that they will follow you? Google collects data through e-mail and search engines,  now they’ll be able to tell where you drive, how often you go there and whatever else you do in or with your car. Jealous spouses might like this idea, but to me it’s simply Beyond Cuckoo.

 

Auto Pilot